THE TOXIC LOVE HAMSTER WHEEL IS A SHAM.
You know the cycle. The push-pull, the overthinking, the waiting by your phone wondering if love is gonna show up the way you need it to. One minute you’re all in, the next you’re emotionally checked out—but somehow, you always end up right back where you started. Ugh.
Cue in the toxic love hamster wheel: running in circles, exhausting yourself, mistaking familiar for healthy.
But here’s the truth: Real love isn’t a cycle. It’s a solid foundation.
If your relationships feel like a constant game of “Do they love me? Will they stay?”—that’s not love, that’s survival mode. And if your default is to shut down the second things get too real? That’s not peace, that’s a trauma response. Le Sigh.
I feel you though, too many of us grew up thinking love was something we had to chase, prove, or earn. And like I mentioned last week, that’s not God’s design.
Love is meant to feel safe. Secure. Steady.
& not because people are perfect (spoiler: they aren’t), but because God is.
📖 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:18)
Listen, your nervous system is currently wired for whatever kind of love it’s experienced the most. If you grew up with inconsistency, neglect, or conditional affection, your body might not believe love can be safe. Erm, like equating anxiety with connection. Been there. But love isn’t supposed to keep you on edge babes.
And you can rewire that!
If love has felt unsafe, your body needs to experience safe, steady contact.
Here are 2 ways I frequently rewire my body for safety and love:
Co-Regulating with God— I practice breathing in His presence, letting my body feel the security of His love. Most days, I speak Scripture over myself, letting His truth settle into my being. During prayer, I often imagine God cradling me—holding me in the way my bio dad simply couldn’t. Other times, I place one hand on my heart, the other on my belly, take a deep breath, and gently remind myself: “God is Love. Love is safe. I am safe in His Presence.”
Self-Holding in a Butterfly Hug with Prayer – Cross your arms over your chest, tap alternately on your shoulders, and whisper: “God, help me feel Your steady love right now.”
There are many-ah-many pathways to rewiring the nervous system into safety but if you need help getting there —know that God got you (with all of it) and I got you (with learning the somatics of it).
You don’t have to keep running in relational survival mode. You don’t have to keep chasing the same patterns, hoping they’ll magically turn into peace. Healing starts when you decide to step off the wheel and let love be steady.
Like learning to trust love, especially when it’s not chaotic. Because holy, secure love doesn’t feel like a rollercoaster—it feels like rest! Mama-mia!
So turn to Him—know that God’s love is unwavering, redemptive, and already waiting for you. And get this: in His love, you’ll finally recognize good love when it stands before you. ← !!!!!!
Now send this to your bestie who needs to get off the wheel too :)
Until next shape,
Mango/Kat𓍯𓂃𓏧♡
ᝰ.ᐟWhat’s Alive:
Currently listening: Brijean - Angelo (Album)
Currently drinking: Stumptown Pour Over
Currently reading: *searching for the next book to consume*
Currently learning: still on a social media detox and playing lots of guitar!
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HERE 2 BE HUMAN, LLC
PO BOX 403595
Miami Beach, FL 33140
here2behuman.com
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